A Bullshit Idea Concocted in the Middle of the Night
by LoserxLoser
Summary: She had many questions. Now, he was just drunk enough to give her the answers. Set right after Zuko's tantrum at the storm in season 2.


A Bullshit Idea Concocted in the Middle of the Night

Katara really should be used to the unexpected and bizarre by now. After all, what were the odds that she would be the only waterbender in the entire South Pole? Slim, but still fairly possible. What were the odds that she would lose her mother to a country of villainous bastards (otherwise know as the Fire Nation) with no sense of compassion? Unfortunately, rather high considering their propensity for raids on the Southern Water Tribe. What were the odds that she, the last waterbender _in the entire Southern Water Tribe_ would discover the _Avatar_ after one hundred years of believing the Avatar to be dead? Minuscule. However, now, she surmised, _now_ she was experiencing the most ridiculous and outlandish occurrence she could have never even dreamed up.

Because, really, what were the odds that she would run into the Crown Prince of said Country of Villainous Bastards, who was, in fact, an anger-prone, uptight bastard, in a seedy Earth Kingdom bar?

Apparently, pretty good considering that was _exactly_ what she was doing.

What was most shocking, however, is that he didn't even seem angry to notice she was here. Mildly annoyed, sure. Cranky, absolutely. But angry? _Nope._

Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation was sitting at her right side, his hand propping his chin up on the bar while he glared at her over his cup of, what she assumed to be, beer. "What the hell are you doing here?" He grumbled out quietly. Apparently, he was hoping to avoid causing a scene (for once).

Katara gaped at him, "What am _I_ doing here? What are _you_ doing here? You are the _last_ person I would ever expect to see here."

"If we're really going to get into this right now, would you move to my other side?" He mumbled, the alcohol apparently doing wonders for his usual fiery temperament.

She blinked. Twice. "Huh? Why?"

He huffed into his beer. "Because I can't see you when you're on my left side and I don't want to have to keep turning my head every time you say something."

This made Katara pause again. Never, in all her battles with him, would she have guessed he was blind on his left side. Surely that wasn't what he meant. Yes, his scar _did_ look rather severe. Yes, it clearly did immense damage to his face. But blindness? _That_ was impossible. But then again, wasn't this entire situation _impossible_?

She decided to comply with his request (if that's what you could call it) just so she could follow up with her questions. "There. Happy now?"

"I'm never happy," Zuko deadpanned.

 _That_ she could agree with. Katara had never, not even once, seen Zuko with a genuine smile on his face. It made her wonder if it was a Royal thing, a Fire Nation thing, or just a Zuko thing. Though, from what she had heard from Aang about Azula, she assumed it was just a Zuko thing.

"What are you doing here?" She decided to ignore any other relevant and irrelevant questions and get straight to the point.

"I'm _trying_ to drown my sorrows in cheap beer." He took a long drink to prove his point. "But considering _you're_ here, I might end up needing a lot more alcohol."

Katara rolled her eyes. "You're not exactly stellar company either."

"I didn't storm over to you and demand to talk."

She had to give him that one. If it had been up to him, she imagined, he would have ignored her existence completely.

" _Seriously,_ " she manged to growl out, shocking herself in the process. Katara had never _growled_ at someone before. She could yell, shout, scream, and just about anything else. But she had never _growled._ "What are you doing here?"

If the Prince was surprised at her behavior, he sure didn't show it. "I meant every word I just said. I am, unsuccessfully, trying to drown my sorrows in beer while this damn storm rages. If you don't believe me, fine. Just don't cause a scene. I don't want to attract any unwanted attention."

Katara _did_ believe him. That was the reason _she_ was here in this seedy tavern, after all. Not to drown her sorrows, but to escape the storm. The thunder and lightning seemed to be having a contest as to who could outdo the other. If she had to guess, she would say the thunder was winning. Every clap gave the tavern a shake, and she had to wonder whether it would still be standing when the storm let up.

Suddenly, a genius idea formed in her mind. Usually, she left strategy to Sokka. That was _his_ area of expertise, after all. She much preferred bending as hers. However, she thought even Sokka would be proud of the idea in her head.

"And what would happen if I called for soldiers, or any armed person in here, and told them _exactly_ who you were?" Katara allowed the smug grin to dominate her face.

Zuko glared at her with more force than before. "You wouldn't."

"I won't," she agreed. " _If_ you answer my questions."

He glared at her, then, seemingly accepting defeat, hid his scowl in his cup. "Fine."

"Great!" She beamed at him, the smug grin morphing into triumphant glee. "So, since now I know what you're doing here, what did you mean earlier?"

"About what?"

"How you couldn't see me on your left side," she clarified.

Maybe not the most _important_ question, but one that bugged her nonetheless. She _had_ to know whether he had been telling the truth. Katara didn't know why it bothered her so much, but it did. If he was telling the truth, and he really couldn't see out of his left eye, then she _really_ wanted to know how he managed to hold his own (i.e. beat her) in all their battles. It would be _mortifying_ if she found out she lost to a half blind firebender. If Zuko had been an earthbender, like Toph, she would understand. But he wasn't, and she was sincerely hoping he wasn't handicapped because that would be _so_ embarrassing. For her, anyway. For him, it was quite an accomplishment.

The look he gave her was nothing short of annoyed astonishment. She wasn't sure how he managed to pull off that expression, but he did. Splendidly, in fact. " _That's_ what you want to ask first? Really?"

"Just answer the question!"

He scowled at her, clearly not pleased with her small outburst. "Keep it down, would you?"

In an instant, she realized what he was doing. As she had already established, strategy wasn't her strong point. However, even _she_ could recognize a bait and switch tactic. He was avoiding the question, clearly. But why? The answer came to her the next moment.

 _He was embarrassed._

"Stop avoiding the question," she said shortly.

Zuko sighed, taking another swig of beer. "I meant it exactly as it sounded. I can't see you very well when you're standing in my blind spot."

"So...?"

He huffed, finally revealing a bit of the temper she had begun to associate with him. "You're really going to make me spell it out, aren't you? _Fine._ I am _blind_ in my left eye, and my left ear only has half of it's hearing. So, I told you to move to my _right_ side so I could hold a semblance of a conversation with you, which I am very much regretting right now."

To say Katara was shocked would be an understatement. Every time they had fought, he would attack with vicious rage. He was aggressive and fierce and determined. Apparently, he was also half blind and a quarter deaf.

 _Would she ever figure this guy out?_

"How?" She finally managed to splutter, extremely undignified and not minding in the least. "You've gotten the best of me, of Aang, and you even managed to hold your own against your crazy-ass sister! How can you possibly be half blind?"

The glare he shot her way was withering in it's intensity, but she did not back down. She had been on the receiving end of his glares many times. There was no way she was going to let this go.

He sighed, seemingly realizing that she had developed an immunity to his favorite expression. "I just learned to keep my head on a swivel. If I keep turning my head, then I can still see everything just fine. It took a while to get used to, though."

It was hard, Katara realized, to picture him without the scar. Ever since they had met, the scar had been his defining feature. It dominated most of his face, glaring bright and harsh. The scar tissue kept his left eye narrowed in a permanent slit. _What was it like_ , she wondered, _to have been given an injury so severe that it marred your face forever? Did it hurt you? Did you cry? Who did this to you?  
_

One look at his face and she knew that question would not be welcome. She decided to change the subject.

"So why are you always chasing Aang?"

That was a safe question, right? Surely he knew it was coming. He had hunted them from the South Pole to the North. She thought she deserved an answer. He must have _some_ reason to pursue them so fiercely. In all actuality, it had been bugging her for a while. Why on earth would the Fire Nation send a young prince to capture a national threat? Wouldn't they have sent a general or some high-ranking soldier? Zhao, she could understand. He was after fame, glory, power. He was a good for nothing scumbag, with no compassion and no remorse. But a crown prince? That didn't make sense.

From the look on his face, it was a touchier subject that she had realized. He finished off his drink, ordered another, and took a long drink from that one before he finally answered her. "I was banished." He said it quietly, like the very sentence had worn him out. "I made a mistake and lost my honor. My father sent me to capture the Avatar. He said that was the only way to regain my honor, and the only way I could return home."

That was not what Katara had been expecting. She had thought it might be some sort of rite of passage or a test. But banishment? _What king of mistake could he have made,_ she wondered, _to get a crown prince banished from the evilest nation in the world?_ Murder? Theft? Treason? She had a hard time imagining Prince Uptight breaking any rules, much less a rule whose consequence ended in banishment.

"So all this time," she said, "you were chasing the Avatar so you could go home?"

"What," he snapped, "surprised that I'm not some evil bastard chasing a kid across the world just for bragging rights?" He snorted and gulped another mouthful of beer. "Screw that. I'll leave the bragging rights to my sister. The Avatar is _her_ problem now."

 _What?_ He was done chasing them? Since when? For months he had been all _I must capture the Avatar no matter what_ and now he's just _done?_ What had changed his mind? Sure, his sister was scary and powerful and even more fierce than he was. But was he really just going to give up as soon as she showed up? _It wasn't like him at all._

"What do you mean? Don't you still want to restore your honor?" She wasn't sure why she was so concerned about this. So he gave up, big deal. One less person for them to worry about, right? On the other hand, Zuko was relentless in his pursuit. Nothing deterred him, not even the walls of the North Pole. _So what changed?_

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I don't think it's going to work out. Azula made her mission _very_ clear. Our father told her to capture the Avatar, as well as Uncle and I." He scowled into his drink, as if it had done something to personally offend him. "Apparently, I am a _miserable failure_ and my father wants me locked up where I can no longer _embarrass_ him."

She was shocked into silence. _What was she supposed to say to that? Oh, sorry. Better luck next time?_ Yes, she knew the Fire Lord was an evil guy. Hell, he was _The_ Evil Guy. But banishing his son? Sending his daughter to hunt said son? Wanting to lock his son in prison for _embarrassing_ him? What was _wrong_ with this guy? Suddenly, Zuko's behavior made a _lot_ more sense. He had been raised by The Most Evil Guy in the World. That must have s _eriously_ messed Zuko up. And considering how Azula turned out, Zuko was the _normal_ child.

 _Wow,_ she thought. _Never thought Zuko would be the normal one._

"So, your sister," she said awkwardly. "Has she always been, um..."

"Crazy?" Zuko supplied. "Powerful? Scary?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Oh, yeah." He said it like it was no big deal. "She's always been like that. Daddy's little princess, perfect in every way that counts." His voice was so bitter Katara almost felt bad for him.

"So, I take it you weren't?"

"No." His voice was so quiet, like he couldn't find the strength to say it any louder. "No, I wasn't. I was a..." He seemed to be searching for the right word. "I was a _disappointment_ for my father. Once Azula came along, he always compared me to her. Azula was born lucky," he said, his voice still carrying that pained sadness. "I was lucky to be born."

 _He looks so miserable,_ Katara thought. He said it like it was an unquestionable fact, one that had been hammered into his brain until it was nothing more than a bare truth. _What was it like growing up in a home where you were considered a failure? Did it hurt? Did you cry when you realized you would never measure up? Did you ever just stop trying?_

He glanced over at her, bringing his cup to his lips again. "I hope you realize that the only reason I'm telling you all this is because I'm half drunk."

She scoffed. "Really? I thought it was my charming personality."

He took a long drink, but not before she realized the corner of his mouth was tugging upwards. "You wish," he mumbled from behind his cup.

She ignored the slight at her personality and kept digging for answers. "So, if you're not going to try and capture Aang, where are you going?"

He shrugged. "No idea. We're just waiting for Uncle's wound to heal. We'll figure something out after that."

She nodded. The storm was beginning to let up. Katara had a feeling she would only have enough time for a few more questions, but which ones? She had so many. _Was your father ever kind? Was your sister ever sane? What was it like being a prince? Why do you want to go back to all the pressure and expectations? Do you love them? How did you get your scar?_

 _Why aren't you a horrible person? Why did you show me this side of you? Why can't I hate you anymore?_

"How long?" She asked, deciding that for now, she would stick with safe questions.

Zuko finished off his drink, ordered another one, and took a sip from it. "How long what?"

"How long have you been searching for the Avatar?"

He frowned into his cup, like he wasn't sure he wanted to answer the question. He took another drink before he answered her. "Three years."

 _What?_ Katara gaped at him, not sure if she had heard him right. _Three years? But that would mean... You're just a little older than Sokka. If you had been searching for him for three years, wouldn't you have been barely a teenager when you started? What did you_ do? _What was so awful that a thirteen year old boy was banished and sent on an impossible quest? Wait, three years...?_

"But Aang hadn't even come out of the iceberg at that point!" She protested. "Nobody had seen him for one hundred years, and your father just sent a thirteen year old boy to look for someone who the world thought didn't exist?"

He scowled at her. "So?"

"So that's cruel and heartless!" She was grasping at straws, she knew. She was _desperate_ to make him see how wrong it was. He shouldn't be acting so nonchalant about it. His father had sent him on a _death quest._ Didn't he care? Didn't he realize his _father_ didn't care? "What did you _do_ to make him so angry at you?"

 _Oh._

His face, which had seemed so uncaring before, now seemed drawn and worn. Katara could only see one of his eyes, but it was dark and sad. _I'm sorry!_ she wanted to cry. _I'm sorry. Please don't look like that. I'm sorry, you don't have to answer._

But he did answer.

"I... went to a war meeting." His eyes were fixed on the bar before him. He didn't glance over at her; he didn't move an inch. He just stared at the bar and continued with his story. "I begged Uncle to let me in. He did, but he told me to be quiet." At this, a wry and humorless grin appeared on his face. "I didn't listen."

 _Stop,_ she wanted to cry. _Stop! You're drunk and you will regret this and I'm threatening you and you don't want to tell me so just stop! I don't want to know. I don't..._

But she did, so she said nothing.

"One of the generals proposed a plan to defeat some powerful earthbenders. He wanted to sacrifice some new recruits so another unit could attack from the rear." His face looked so sad, so regretful. "He said they would make perfect _bait._ " He took a long gulp of his drink. "I jumped up. I yelled at him. I told him he was betraying those soldiers and..." He shuddered like he was reliving the day all over again. "My father was angry. No, he was _furious._ He said that my challenge of the general was an act of complete disrespect. He said we had to settle it with an Agni Kai." Only then did he glance over at her, realizing she didn't know what that was. "A fire duel," he clarified. "You fight for your honor until someone yields or... can't continue."

 _Is this it?_ she wondered. _Is that how you got your scar?_

"I agreed. The general was old; I thought I could take him." The humorless grin made a reappearance. "I probably could have. But it wasn't him I had to fight."

 _Then who...?_ But Katara didn't interrupt. She could tell how difficult this was for him. _Have you ever told this story before?_ she wondered. _Has anyone dared to ask?_

Probably not, she decided. Zuko had quite a temper.

"I turned to face my opponent, and that's when I realized I could _never_ win. I was never supposed to win from the beginning." He took a long drink, ignoring her questioning gaze. "My opponent was my father."

 _No,_ she thought, terror beginning to seep in. _No, this can't be how. You were so desperate to go home. How could you have fought so hard to go home if what I think happens next is true? How could you still love him? Do you love him?_

Zuko was glaring down at the bar. "I begged for mercy. I got down on my knees and _begged._ I told him I was his loyal son and I wouldn't fight him and-" His voice broke. He tried to hide it behind another drink.

It was a long time before he continued.

"He kept telling me to _fight him_ , but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't win, so what was the point? I tried to talk, but he just kept telling me to _fight_." He took a deep breath and finished his story. "So I didn't fight him, and he burned half my face off. Later, Uncle told me my father had said my refusal to fight showed shameful weakness. I was banished and sent to capture the Avatar." He sent her a tired smile that looked more like a grimace. "And we both know how that turned out."

Katara sat there, a whirlwind of thoughts going through her head. _Why? Why did you tell me that? Why did I ask? Why are you so desperate to go home to a man who scarred you for life? How can you still respect him? How can you still call that man father? Don't you see? He doesn't love you! Fathers don't banish their sons. Fathers don't send their sons on death quests._

 _Fathers don't mutilate thirteen year old boys._

"Zuko," she managed to choke out. He glanced at her in shock, and she realized that was the first time she had called him by his name. "That's not... That's not right. Don't you get it? Your father is cruel and horrible. He doesn't-"

"Stop," he interrupted her. His hands were clenched tightly around his cup. His knuckles were white. "Don't say stuff like that."

"Why not?" She was so desperate to make him _see._ "What he did-"

"What he did," Zuko ground out, "was perfectly acceptable. I disrespected my father in his war room. I was a coward in the arena. He had _every right_ to punish me. I lost my honor." He stood up, leaning on the bar for support. He fished around in his pocket and laid a handful of coins on the bar. He turned to her, and for the first time that night, Katara saw anger in his eyes. _Why?_ she wanted to scream at him. _Why do you only get angry when you are defending a monster? How can you believe that?_

"My father gave me a chance to regain my honor, and I screwed that up, too. Azula can worry about the Avatar now." Zuko sighed, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. When he opened them, they were no longer angry. "The storm's gone. You should get back to your group." He looked like he wanted to say something else, but then thought the better of it. He gave her a curt nod, and then he was gone.

Later, when Katara made it back to their camp and had avoided all their questions as to where she had been, she went over their conversation in her mind. She thought of every plausible reason she could have given him to prove his father didn't care about him. She listed them all in her mind, but she knew it was pointless. Even if she could go back and tell them all to him, he wouldn't listen. She could shake him and hit him and scream at him, but it wouldn't matter. He didn't believe his father had been right because of _logical_ reasons. He believed it because he _had_ to. Zuko refused to acknowledge the possibility that his father had been wrong, because that was admitting that all of Zuko's efforts had been for nothing. It would be acknowledging that Zuko would _never_ be able to prove himself to his father, and that his father only saw him as a tool. It was less painful for him to believe that he had been wrong than to realize he had been scarred and banished for _nothing._

 _How desperate must you be,_ she wondered, _for someone to love you that you are willing to do so many horrible things to prove yourself to someone who will_ never _love you?_

Later, in the Crystal Catacombs of Ba Sing Se, holding Aang's lifeless body, she got her answer.

 _Pretty damn desperate._


End file.
